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I have wanted to share this for a long ass time, believe me when I say that this post has been on ‘draft’ for about 2 years now. I think it was November, 2020 or perhaps…December, 2020?, I don’t remember but I found an interesting post in Reddit that actually had me thinking about this due to the so similar history given by the owner of said writing. The post made me believe the author felt guilty towards the guy in topic. Nobody owns an explanation to anyone, here I go.

Shit…

NOT, YOU’RE NOT!

As someone who is actually obsessed with a girl I can not be with and who I barely spoke to(when I confessed; the timing was wrong, otherwise I’m 100% today I would be the happiest man alive…shit happens, did not go as planned. She was with someone else and I still tried to get with her(she was, she is and will probably be the most beautiful girl to my eyes until the day I die)so when I say I deserved to be painfully rejected, it comes from the deepest of my heart).

Let me tell you what drastic changes you might have ended up doing into his life. I promise this is not going to be bias and I’m just trying to vent a bit (for my own good; this is my way to cope), also there’s a good ending, I’m slowly(thanks God) moving on from said girl I’m talking about so I’m sure he will eventually move on too.

Life is short and we need to live it to the fullest.

Kevin Fonseca

First thing first which somewhat you already mentioned… his personality is probably fucked up due to the rejection; secondly his mental health is probably in the lowest and probably gained weight also. His life has never been the same ever since.

If he is mentally fucked up as me and thinks like “but she is not her(you)” everytime a girl has had the courage to try and be with him, believe me, getting over you, like really-really getting over you might take him up to 10years+. I was rejected about 6 years ago and I still feel it as if it was yesterday and it kills me every.single.night, that’s the reason I said earlier that I’m “slowly” getting my life together.

If he is like me and you’re pretty much his everything (he might not express it when you’re seeing each other…in case you guys are somehow friends), he probably stopped pursuing his dreams and giving a fuck; a mentality which some people consider good but to what extent?; A) to the extent of not giving a fuck about people?; B) to the extent of not giving a fuck about school/work?; C) to the extent of not giving a fuck about his own life?. I deeply wish he is either A or B because if he is in C (the one I’ve been ever since) then it means he has them all.

Why do I say C is the worst to have?
Well, I used to be the introverted type of guy who wanted to conquer the world!, believe me!. During highschool I was taking flight classes, I was in shape(literally used to watch out my diet, worked out and ran every single night), I was interested in sports(wrestling) and kept good grades in school. All of that changed on Oct 13, 2015 and just 4 words, “You deserve something better”.

That’s just the mental side of things…

From there on, I gained weight (a lot; I will probably be unrecognizable if somehow we get to see each other, which we did; later on that); did not get my flying license(I still do remember how to fly those fucking Cessnas? very well); I went to college but kept getting bad grades, changed majors because I decided to run away from problems instead of finding solutions due to thinking I did not deserve to be happy(again, she is my everything, by that, I mean my very own HAPPINESS; which is still a strong feeling in my head). I’ve been in college for 5 years and finally got my Associates, my fucking Associates!(I’ve been on and off because I got the opportunity of seeing her from time to time in the community college I used to go and that’s the last thing I wanted to do).

The funny part is that she is taken again. How do I know this? Well, I’m a stalker(apparently) but – hey!, don’t get me wrong! – I’m mentally fucked up but my family raised me well, I know the difference between good and bad. At most, the only way to stalk her is by using the Internet!. You see, I’m an IT guy and a car guy, one day not long ago(about 1 month) I was searching pictures of one of my dream cars(Nissan 240sx) through the Internet and I found a picture that I liked(not even the 240sx 💀💀💀) but this one was different, this image took me to Instagram and found out the world not matter where you are is way too small when I realized the owner of said car is the current boyfriend of that damn girl!. My heart was again crushed without me looking for her.

The funny part is that I used to check on her and she finally changed her username and blocked me from all her social media accounts long ago(3 years maybe); that was before. As of today knowing her boyfriend’s account eventually led me to her new accounts and believe me, I’m gladly broken hearted for her. She seems to be with a good guy who according to said pictures, loves her to no end. Also I’m not trying to approve/qualify her boyfriend or relationship by saying he is a good guy; in that, I really have no power and will never mess with her or her relationship/s ever again.

Now, I transferred to the University of Arlington at Texas, I’m pursuing a CS degree and according to her account, she attends the same University I do. I really do wish not to see her, not because of her own good( she might not even know who I am) but because of mine, I really don’t want to break into pieces again now that I’m slowly moving on.

With that being said, block him from your social media accounts and if possible stop using them. Believe me, he will find you on Internet wheather you have him blocked or not(not necessarily by creating multiple accounts or third parties involved also).

That’s just my guess and it only applies to him depending on how obsessed he is with you.

Just continue with your life and try as much as possible to avoid him. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not at fault. Bye-Bye 👋.

NOTE: I found out that I do actually enjoy being alone which made me realize that I’m done with girls, at least in the concept of having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship; secondly I’m not ready for a relationship also.

As of today September 18, 2021; I’m moving on in life. I’m in the military; I could not have asked for anything better but unfortunately I’m just a weekend warrior and highly regret said decision, I will hopefully re-enlist as an Active component within 6-24 months and re-classify as a 17C!!. Least but not forgotten….no, I did not join the military due to the girl and/or rejection. Joining has been one of my goals in life for a long ass time too, which I finally took the courage to do so, even if my family was against it.

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